"I called a temp agency for work and they asked me if I had any phone skills. I said, 'I called you, didn't I?'" -Zach Galifianakis
"Courage without conscience is a wild beast." -Robert G. Ingersoll
"People are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves. That is why they remain bound. " -James Allen
"In my belief, you cannot deal with the most serious things in the world unless you also understand the most amusing." -Sir Winston Leonard Spenser Churchill
"Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was." -Richard L. Evans
"What we do to impress others are the very things others find most annoying." -Burke Franklin
"To hear complaints with patience, even when complaints are vain, is one of the duties of friendship." -Samuel Johnson
"Solitude is the best nurse of wisdom." -Laurence Sterne
"Highly educated bores are by far the worst; they know so much, in such fiendish detail, to be boring about." -Louis Kronenberger
"Morality is herd instinct in the individual." -Friedrich Nietzsche