Helping involves providing support or assistance to someone in a way that promotes their well-being and independence. Enabling, on the other hand, involves providing support or assistance to someone in a way that perpetuates unhealthy or destructive behaviour. If you answer yes to one or more of these questions, you may be an enabler to your loved one’s behavior. Taking steps to break out of this cycle and begin properly helping them will allow them to heal in the long run. The defining distinction between enabling and helping is found in their respective outcomes.
Understanding Enabling Behavior
Instead, helping involves setting clear boundaries and expectations while still offering love and support. When it comes to addressing substance use disorders, seeking help and intervention is crucial for individuals and their loved ones. Early intervention plays a significant role in improving outcomes and promoting long-term recovery.
Problematic behaviors can take many forms, all of which inadvertently support or encourage negative behaviors. One common form of a problematic behavior is to enable by giving money that contributes to harmful habits, such as substance or alcohol use disorders, or gambling. This might include paying legal fines or bailing someone out of jail, which can prevent an individual from experiencing the difference between enabling and helping full consequences of their actions.
Trying to solve the person’s problems
Believe it or not, you and those close to you suffer when you allow them to do whatever they want without fear of consequences. Your loved one may end up resenting you in the end for not providing them with the skills, resources, or opportunities to improve their life. Another example is where a mother continues to financially support an adult child because she feels divorcing adversely affected the child’s academic performance and ability to find employment. An enabling environment supports creativity and fresh ideas, boosting overall coordination.
An enabling environment makes it easier to share information clearly and promptly. Support is an offering we give from a place of strength and generosity, not out of fear or obligation. Supporting someone often has the potential to propel them further than they might have gone without our support.
- If someone has mental health issues or a drug problem, an enabler will allow them to continue engaging in destructive behavior or habits.
- While the addict may say they need money to cover those expenses, they are using the money to buy more drugs.
- However, it is important to differentiate between helping and enabling to ensure that the support provided is truly beneficial.
When someone makes their own mistakes, they have an opportunity to learn from them and to grow. It can be difficult to change your ways and extremely hard to stick to your guns when you know your loved one will suffer the consequences. When we are dealing with a family member or loved one suffering from addiction, it can be challenging to know.
- Supportive behaviors empower a person to make choices toward their recovery.
- In this blog, we’ll explore the differences between helping and enabling, and why it’s important to be aware of the distinction between the two.
- The person you love may begin isolating themselves and withdrawing from social contact with you, making it more confusing and challenging to know what to do next.
- You may even find yourself struggling with the desire to control their behaviors.
Healthy boundaries allow us to draw the line between helping and enabling. Helping someone is providing assistance and support, while enabling is setting up someone to fail by providing them with too much assistance or a false sense of security. By creating healthy boundaries, we can ensure that our relationships are rooted in respect and understanding, rather than enabling or codependency. Lying, making excuses, or covering up your loved one’s addiction may feel like the right thing to do, but doing so prevents them from facing the reality of their situation. Addiction comes with consequences such as legal problems, financial trouble, job loss, and severed relationships. Your loved one will never understand this if you continue to make excuses for them.
When it comes to helping a loved one who is going through a difficult time, it’s important to be aware of the distinction between enabling and empowering. Enabling behaviors involve justifying or indirectly supporting someone else’s potentially harmful behavior, often with the intention of providing support or protection 1. To break this cycle and foster a healthier dynamic, it is crucial to acknowledge the issue and understand the difference between empowering and enabling. Seeking professional help and establishing effective boundaries can be crucial steps in supporting individuals with substance use disorders on their path to recovery. Supporting someone is an act of kindness done to show love and offer care, whereas enabling involves overdoing support in a way that causes harm to the person offering or receiving it 2.
This does not just apply to physical spaces but also to organisational structures, policies, and relationships. On the other hand, helping behavior can manifest as prosocial actions intended to benefit others. This could include volunteering, donating resources, or assisting with tasks. Such actions promote personal growth and independence, the same way as strengthening connections within relationships and contributing to communal success. When it comes to providing support to someone, it is important to understand the distinction between helping and enabling. While both may involve assisting someone in need, the impact of these behaviors can vary significantly.
Are You an Enabler? Understanding Helping vs. Enabling
Additionally, enabling can strain relationships and create a dynamic where unhealthy behaviors become the norm. Enabling behavior can have detrimental effects on both the person offering support and the person being enabled. By shielding individuals from the consequences of their actions, enabling prevents them from taking responsibility for their behaviors and inhibits their personal growth. It can perpetuate a cycle of dependence and hinder individuals from developing the necessary skills to overcome challenges 2.
Enabling Makes Excuses For Addictive Behaviors
If they are resistant to help or seem unable to take advantage of it, it may be time to stop. Ultimately, it is up to the helper to decide when their assistance is no longer needed or desired. A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself if the person would still be able to function without your help. Enabling is when you do something for someone that they should be doing for themselves. It is a form of codependency and can be harmful to both parties involved. Helping, on the other hand, is simply providing assistance to someone in need.
Driving to Target at 9pm to help a child who usually does her homework, but who has been distracted this particular week because her grandmother has been in the hospital is one thing. Rescuing a child who constantly fails to plan teaches her to expect that someone will solve her problems, so she doesn’t have to do anything different. “Mom or dad may complain or yell, but they are always going to cave in and fix it…so why should I worry? ” This sets the kid up for not being prepared when a boss, for example, isn’t as understanding. It also harms your relationship with your child because she gets to be irresponsible and happy while you feel over-responsible and unhappy. Professional guidance is paramount in managing enabling behaviors, in conjunction with recognizing problematic behavior and undertaking tangible steps to rectify it.
I’ll also discuss some of the consequences of enabling someone and provide tips on how to stop this behavior. When people work within trusting relationships, coordination flows naturally. When you support, you acknowledge the person you’re supporting is the master of their own destiny. You have faith in another person’s capacity to make their own choices, and also—maybe most importantly—their own mistakes.
If your physical or mental health is suffering, or if your obligations are on the back burner in favor of the other person’s, you are enabling them to your detriment. Setting clear boundaries has to be your first step when addressing enabling behavior. You should inform your loved one about what kind of behavior you’ll no longer tolerate and be consistent in enforcing those boundaries. If you’re struggling to empower a loved one, here are five expert strategies to help end enabling behavior. Enabling usually happens when there is an underlying issue that the person is unwilling or unable to address. For example, if someone is constantly asking for money because they spend it all on alcohol, then you would be enabling their alcoholism by giving them money.
If you are spending most of your time taking care of the addict, you are not taking care of yourself. Your physical and psychological health deteriorates while the addict continues living the high life. Another enabling behavior is giving the addict money for food, groceries, rent or other expenses. While the addict may say they need money to cover those expenses, they are using the money to buy more drugs.
You’re participating in his irresponsible habits when you willingly tell untruths to protect him from the consequences. Some people choose to ignore the poor behavior of others in order to keep the peace. I’ve done this when dealing with people who are defensive or likely to shift the blame to me. I knew it would only lead to an argument since I’m not afraid to stand up for myself.
While helping involves providing genuine support to others, enabling often means inadvertently encouraging negative behaviors or dependencies. When someone you love struggles with addiction, you naturally want to help them as much as you can — and you should. But there’s a fine line between being supportive and enabling your loved one’s harmful behavior patterns. Enabling someone prevents them from dealing with the negative consequences of their actions.
